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The Birthday Crashers (Dirty & Uncut Version)
Season 2, Episode 5.5
665px-DrewCoachTBC
First Aired April 3, 2012
Episode Guide
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"The Birthday Crashers (Original)"
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"Rock vs. R&B"


Note:Edit

Sorry for the delay, guys, this is the official DIRTY and UNCUT version of The Birthday Crashers. Enjoy the craziest and funniest episode I've ever done and beware #STUPID HOE. :)

SongsEdit

  1. What's My Name by Rihanna, sung by Alex and Claira. (unreleased)
  2. Party by Beyonce, sung by Daniel, Carina and Lily
  3. I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred, sung by Chuck.
  4. Sweet 17 by The Babys, sung by Daniel and A.J. with New Directions Boys.
  5. Crash Your Party by Karmin, sung by The McKinley Rebels.
  6. Stupid Hoe by Nicki Minaj, sung by Cheyenne and Carina.
  7. Can't Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie Minogue, sung by Carina.
  8. Shot For Me by Drake, sung by Drew Coach.

Episode 5:Edit

WARNING: This is the official uncut version of "The Birthday Crashers". This episode contains strong sexual references, strong language and teen drinking. Reader discretion is advised.


So here's what you missed on Glee: The New Years:

Chuck threw a party a year ago where everyone got drunk and suddenly, Dougie and Chuck made crazy love to each other, but let's not bring that up again because it's irrelevant now. Anyhoo, Levi is falling for Dougie, and he's doing everything to bond with him. Later on, Cheyenne's crew, The McKinley Rebels are against New Directions for Sectionals and competition is going to be a big word for the both of them. Meanwhile, Carina and Gunner share a bond with each other, and they almost kissed each other at the Halloween party, and they pretty much seem to crush on each other now.

Well, that's what you missed on Glee!


"So, Dougie, what are you doing for your birthday?" Carina said as she walked in the hallway with him, Levi and Gunner.

"I'm not really sure, I don't really celebrate my birthday as much as I'm supposed to, I'm always used to sleeping on my living room couch watching broadway movies with a slice of cake and ice cream," Dougie said.

"You never have fun on your birthdays?" Levi said.

"As I recall, no," Dougie said.

"Dude, you'll be turning seventeen soon, you should at least have some fun this month,"

"I know, but I've been so focused and worrying about Addison and how she's been, and I'm just not focused on my own self,"

"We all have been worried about Addison, lucky enough, she will be back on her feet by next week," Gunner said.

"Hopefully," Dougie said. "Well, I'll see you guys later," He walked away, sighed and looked down as he walked away.

"Poor Dougie," Carina said.

"Guys, we seriously need to do something for him, birthdays are meant to be fun," Gunner said.

"But what do you think we could do?" Levi said.

"We had a party last week, let's have another one, just for him," Gunner smiled. Carina and Levi looked at each other and nodded their heads and smiled.

Sue overheard what they were saying as they walked past.


The McKinley Rebels were in the "music room," doing vocal warm-ups, Sue was aggressively instructing them.

"La la la la la la la la la," Cheyenne, Charlie and Elizabeth sang. Ruby was half way off key during the next key.

"Stop, stop!" Sue yelled. "Ruby, what in the world was that?"

"I, I, I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm almost losing my voice here,"

"No one will have raspy voices in this club,"

"Oh, come on, Coach Sylvester, she's new, give her some time to get used to this place," Cheyenne said.

Sue got up and went to Cheyenne, "You know, you're right, thanks for that, Cheyenne," She patted her back and Cheyenne smiled, looking cocky and concieted. "Now guys, if we want to beat those Alvin and The Chipmunks rejects, we need to have good voices, good equipment, and good choreography, just like what I do with my Cheerios, you guys will do the same,"

"Wait, hold up, cheerleading choreography?" Charlie said, he chuckled, "No, no, no, I can't do that,"

"No, not at all, Charlie Brown,"

"It's Charlie Holden,"

"Whatever,"

"If that's not what you mean, Coach, then what do you exactly mean?" "My Cheerios always had their own style of dancing, if any of you have any ideas, let me know, see you guys later on,"

The bell rang and Ruby, Elizabeth and Charlie left out.

Cheyenne was going to leave out too, but Sue stopped her.

"Cheyenne, I need a favor. I heard that New Directions were planning a party for someone, you seem more of the outgoing and responsible one, I want you to spy on them to get the scoop on what's going on, worse enough they'll try to do something sneaky just to win Sectionals, got it?"

Cheyenne smiled, "I got it,"


Claira was in the Lima Bean and she quickly ran to the bathroom.

She was washing her hands and suddenly, a girl walked in and stood next to her to wash her hands on the second sink.

Claira quickly looked at her, the girl quickly looked back at her. Claira had on her iPod earbuds and she was humming to "What's My Name," by Rihanna.

The girl was hearing her hum and she began to follow her lead and hum with her. Claira looked as if she didn't know what was going on.

Claira began to sing, "Hey boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me, hey boy, I really wanna be with you 'cause you just my type, ooh na, na, na, na,"

The girl sang with her, "I need a boy to take it over, looking for a guy to put you work up, oh, oh,"

"Hey boy, I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me, hey boy, I really wanna be with you 'cause you just my type, ooh na, na, na, na,"

"I need a boy to take it over, looking for a guy to put you work up, oh, oh,"

Claira and the girl smiled and looked at each other.

"Wow, you have a great voice," The girl said.

"Thanks, you don't sing bad yourself,"

"You know, you look so familiar, have we met before?" The girl said.

"Maybe, maybe not," Claira said.

"Are you in New Directions?"

"I am, actually,"

"I believe I've saw you in the audience chairs with your group as we were singing Raining Men,"

"You're in the Treble Belles?"

"I sure am,"

"Oh, right!" Claira said. "It's nice to meet you,"

"I'm Alex,"

"I'm Claira,"

Later on, they were sitting at a table in the Lima Bean talking.

"I have quit recently last year," Claira said.

"How come?" Alex said.

"Oh, trust me, it's a long story,"

"To be honest, I can't stand my group," Alex said. "All of the girls are completely ignorant and they treat me like an outsider sometimes, but I do trust a girl there, her name's Shannon, she's actually one of the most mature and kind people in that group, I don't want to quit yet only because I want to be known."

"I understand, I want to be known too, I was most likely known as the bully last year, and now it's just a completely different me this year." Claira said.

"I actually like New Directions' style of music, like your group has more diverse styles than my group does, we only do pop and R&B while you guys do more of contemporary, broadway, dance and pop music,"

"We sometimes do have our ups and downs in New Directions. We almost lost a member two weeks ago,"

"How come?" Alex said.

"Well, let's just say, she's been a very bad position for a couple years of her life, in which she tried to go suicidal, and ended up in a coma,"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't --" Alex was devastated of hearing that.

"It's not a problem at all, she's doing fine now, she'll be back on her feet next week,"

"That's good," Alex said. Claira looked at Alex up and down, Hmm, she's a pretty girl. A very attractive girl, actually. Her brownish-red hair turns me on and I'm not even a lesbian. Alex's eyes attracted to Claira. It's funny how she doesn't know I'm a lesbian and I seem to actually like her already. I really want to see what she's made of, she's freaking pretty.

"You know, I have an idea," Claira said.

"Sure, tell me,"

Claira took a sip from her capuccino, "Tomorrow, we're planning a surprise birthday party for our friend in New Directions, I was wondering if you would like to come, you and your best friend, I'll introduce you to everyone,"

"I don't know, I don't want your group to think we're spying on them or anything," "I'll promise you, they won't,"

Alex smiled, "Sure, me and my friend will come,"

"Awesome!" Claira said.


Levi and the rest of the crew were walking outside with each other after school. "OK, so far, we have balloons, music, decorations, a birthday sign, almost everything," Levi said.

"Awesome," Carina said. "Do you guys think we should invite the Rebels?"

"Maybe, maybe not, they wouldn't want to come anyway, even if they did so, they would try to ruin the party, just to get "Revenge" on us."

"Good point," Gunner said. "I guess we have a lot to do today,"


At Dougie's house, the phone rang, and Dougie's mother quickly went to get the phone.

"Hello, Eastwood residence,"

On the phone was Carina, "Hi, may I please speak to Dougie's mother,"

"Speaking, may I ask who's calling,"

"Hi, my name is Carina, Dougie's friend at school,"

"Hello, Carina, is something wrong?"

"No, not at all, it's just that we've planned a surprise birthday party for him tonight and I was wondering if you could find a way to, you know, get him out of the house for the day,"

"I could try, sweetheart, but I'm not sure he's gonna be able to do what I say today,"

"No worries, we have it all planned,"

Dougie's mother hung up the phone and went to Dougie's bedroom.

"Dougie, sweetheart, get dressed,"

"Get dressed for what?"

"We're going out today,"

"Mom, come on, no, I'd just rather stay in my bed on my birthday, like I always do,"

"Douglas, not this time. Let's go."

Dougie rolled his eyes and sighed and whispered, "Another birthday disaster,"


"Mission accomplished," Carina smiled as she looked in her bathroom mirror.

As everyone was preparing to get dressed for the event, following Daniel, Claira, Chuck, Levi, Gunner, Lily, Shawn and A.J.

Daniel began singing in his bedroom, "You a bad girl and your friends bad too, oh, we got the swag sauce, she drippin' swagu, you a bad girl and your friends bad too, oh, we got the swag sauce, she drippin' swagu,"

Carina sang in her bathroom, "I may be young, but I'm ready to give you all my love, I told my girls you can get it, don't slow it down, just let it go,"

Lily and Carina sang, "So in love, I'll give it all away, just don't tell nobody tomorrow, so tonight, I'll do it every way, speakers knockin' till the morning light,"

"'Cause we like to party-y-y-y-y-y-y, cause we like to party-y-y-y-y-y-y, cause we like to party,"

'Your touch is driving me crazy. I can't explain the way I feel. top down with the radio on and the night belongs to us, just hold me close, don't let me go," Carina sang, with Lily.

"So in love, I don't care what they say, I don't care if they talking tomorrow, cause tonight's the night oh, oh, oh, oh, that I give you everything, music knockin' till the morning light, cause we like to party!,"

"'Cause we like to party-y-y-y-y-y-, cause we like to party-y-y-y-y-y-y, cause we like to party,"

Daniel sang, "You a bad girl and your friends bad too, oh, we got the swag sauce, she drippin' swagu, ooh, you a bad girl and your friends bad too, oh, we got the swag sauce, she drippin' swagu, ooh ooh,"

"Look how perfect I look," Carina said.

"That's what I'm talking about," Daniel said.

"Party on,"


Everyone was at Dougie's house decorating for the party, with the help of Dougie's father, who stayed home to help out.

Chuck whispered to Daniel, "I bought beer,"

"No, Chuck, take it away," Daniel said.

"Why do I have to?"

"Do you remember what you told us last time when we all got drunk?"

"I honestly don't remember," Chuck said.

"The time you --" Daniel looked at Dougie's father to see if he wasn't listening.

Daniel whispered, "The time you and Dougie had sex,"

It all came to Chuck, "I'm not drinking this time,"

"Good," Daniel said. "If you're not drinking, why did you buy?"

"I don't know, a party's never good enough without beer,"

"You're gonna make us all get kicked out of Dougie's house for having beer," Daniel said.

Chuck rolled his eyes, "Calm down, Daniel, I know there will be a way,"


Dougie was in the car with her mom heading back to the house.

"Mom, I can't believe me you took me to go see that boring movie,"

"Dougie-Poo, come on," Mom said.

"How many times have I told you that I don't like that name, I'm not a baby anymore,"

"You're still my baby, Dougie," Mom said.

Dougie rolled his eyes, "Mom, I'm 17 now, one more year and I'll be heading to college, can't you understand that,"

The car headed at the house, and Carina looked out of their window and saw the car.

"They're coming! They're coming!"

Everyone hurried to hide and Chuck turned off the living room light and hid behind.

Everyone was making noises as they tried to get to a position.

As Dougie got out of the car, "Mom, you turned off all of the lights, where's Dad?"

"Oh, he had to go to work tonight, he's on a night shift,"

Dougie was curious, he realized that his dad never works night shifts. As he and his mom walked into the door, the lights went on and everyone got up and yelled, "SURPRISE!"

Dougie's mouth was wide open, his mom and dad winked at each other, Dougie began to cry.


"Dougie, why are you crying?" Mom said.

"Because no one has ever done this for me, ever, I thank you all so much for this,"

"Dougie, you know that we're always here for you, we're your friends and we would do anything just to make you feel comfortable and happy," Chuck said.

Dougie smiled. "You guys all knew about this? Mom? Dad?"

"Well, they made us a part of their plan and we went with it," His mom said.

"It's better to make a change, right?"

"It is, but I just never expected this to happen,"

"Dougie, we just wanted to make you happy for your birthday, it's better to have a great time, than sit in the house bored on your birthday,"

Dougie smiled, "Gosh, this is crazy,"

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's party!"

Everyone cheered, until Mom stopped them.

"Not yet, everyone. There are some rules. Me and your Dad are going out tonight, Dougie,"

"Going out? Wha--" Dad said.

Mom gave him the "Go with the flow" signal.

"Right, we're going out!"

"So here are some rules. You may have a party now, if you break something, you buy it. Are we clear?"

"Yes!" Everyone said.

"If you make a mess, you clean it, got it?" Mom said.

"Got it,"

"And the last and most important rule is.." Mom paused.

Everyone was worried of what she was going to say.

"Have fun! Are we clear?"

"Yes!" Everyone cheered.

"And as for you,, you're coming with me," Mom grabbed Dougie's father's shirt and pulled him to the door and they left out.

Everyone cheered.


The party has begun and everyone's going crazy and dancing around. Until the doorbell rang.

Chuck walked to the door and opened it. "Hello, who are you guys?"

"Hi, is this Dougie Eastwood's house? We were invited here by Claira," Alex said. "Come on in, I guess,"

Claira spotted Alex, "Alex! You're here!"

Alex smiled.

"Claira, you know these people?" Chuck said.

"Yes, everyone! This is Alex and this is her friend Shannon,"

"Who are they?" Shawn said.

"They are from the Treble Belles,"

"The Treble Belles? What?"

"Yes, I invited them here." Claira said. "Is that a problem?"

"Are you guys spies or something?"

"No, we're not at all," Alex said.

"Well, OK, I guess, I have no problem with it at all, it's nice to meet you two," Dougie said.

Alex and Shannon smiled.

"Alex, Shannon, this is Dougie, Chuck, Daniel, A.J., Shawn, Lily, Carina, Levi and Gunner."

"There were more members, but they left," Daniel said.

"Yeah," Everyone said.

"It's nice meeting you all," Alex said. "Happy Birthday Dougie!"

Shawn whispered in Gunner's ear, "The girl with the brown hair is hot,"

"Ditto," Gunner said, "But I know she can't top someone as pretty as Carina,"

"Carina?" Shawn said. "Aw, you like her, don't you,"

"I do, honestly, she's really pretty, we almost kissed last week at the Halloween party, and since then, I kind of fell for her,"

"Gunner, I suggest you take it slow, you did break up with Addison, love takes time,"

"So much for you to say, from what I heard, you've been begging for Lily,"

"Um, well, you see, that's different,"

"OK, Shawn," Gunner chuckled.


A person walked to Dougie's house and rang the doorbell. Dougie opened the door and he was curious since he didn't invite anyone else.

A boy with flowers and balloons was at the door.

"Drew?"

"Happy birthday, babe," Drew said.

"W-w-what are you doing here?" Dougie said.

"It is your birthday, right?"

"Well, where the hell were you on my last birthday?" Dougie said. "Oh, that's right, with that girl, right?"

"Dougie, that was a year ago, a mistake,"

"So, dumping me for a girl was a mistake, you're stupid, get out,"

"Dougie, come on, come on, please don't be like that, please can I just be here for your birthday?"

Dougie looked around and sighed, "If you say one word to me, it's a wrap, got it?"

"Got it," Drew said.

Dougie opened the door for him.


Chuck sneaked into his bag and looked around and took out a bottle of beer, he quickly snapped the top off and drank it until it vanished.

Then, he put the botlle back in his bag and walked away, what he didn't know is that the zipper wasn't closed all of the way.

Minutes later, Chuck felt weary, but then he felt goofy. In the living room, everyone was dancing, and then a tune to a song began to play.

Chuck began to wildly jump around, "WHOO!"

"Oh, no, no, Chuck," Daniel said, worried.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me,"

"What is Chuck doing?" Claira said as she was standing with Carina.

"I don't know," Carina said. "He looks drunk to me,"

"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts," Chuck took off his shirt and showed his muscles and ripped body.

Shannon's eyes pppped out. "Yee-hee-hee-yabba, dabba, do!" Shannon's mouth was open wide.

"That boy is FIINE!"

"And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan," Chuck started dancing and doing weird and strange motions that turned Shannon on.

"Who is that?" Shannon whispered to Claira.

"Yeah, that's Chuck, he's a crazy little fella now since he became a single dude," "Ugh, single or not, I want a piece of that bone,"

"Bone, what bone?"

"Look down there, Alex,"

"I refuse not to," Alex said.

"And I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, no way I'm disco dancing. I'm a model you know what I mean and I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk."

"I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car, too sexy by far and I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat what do you think about that. I'm a model you know what I mean and I do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk."

Chuck unbuttoned his pants and unzipped them and took them off and threw it on the ground.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" Dougie said.

"This has turned into some kind of strip club session," Gunner said.

Shawn shook his head.

"I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat, poor pussy poor pussy cat, I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me,"

"Mmm, yes, take all of that off, ALL OF IT, I want that junk,"

Alex hit Shannon, "Shannon, shut up!"

"What? I'm being honest,"

Dougie got up, "OK, party pooper, I think it's time for you to chillax now, take a rest,"

Chuck was falling down and getting back up, others knew he was drunk and acting weird.

"The hell was that for?" Daniel said.

"I think I got something better than that song, A.J., boys, performance in session," Daniel got up, the microphone was there, and Daniel took the center of the room.

In a fast tempo, "1, 2, 3, 4!"

Daniel sang, "Sixteen going on seventeen, but she thinks that she's twenty-one, doing things she ain't done before, got her hands on a loaded gun. Talking 'bout, sweet seventeen,"

A.J. took the microphone, "Got a mouthful of sticky stuff, blowing bubbles in the parking lot, she's in love with a film star, so she gives it everything she's got, her daddy tells her she's crazy and her momma says, please slow down, see her out on the dance floor,"

"She's gonna wind up in the lost and found, I'm talking about," Daniel and A.J. sang.

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen," The boys sang except for Chuck, who was laying on the couch moving to the song.

"Sweet seventeen," Daniel sang.

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen,"

"Sweet seventeen,"

The girls were smiling and clapping to the song.

"I wouldn't say she's easy, but she's the kinda girl that won't say no, she's always getting into trouble, though she's only got a year to go,"

"She's got a record with the local sherriff and a reputation coast to coast," Daniel and A.J. both sang.

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen," The boys sang.

"Sweet seventeen," Daniel sang.

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen,"

"Sweet seventeen,"

"Sixteen going on seventeen and she acts like she's twenty-one, counting days til she's eighteen, she's rated expert, she's having fun, I'm talking 'bout,"

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen," The boys sang.

"Sweet seventeen," Daniel sang.

"Fifteen sixteen seventeen,"

"Sweet seventeen,"

The boys ended the song and the girls were cheering,.

"Now that's what I call a performance," Dougie said.

Suddenly, someone knocks on the door, completely loud, and noisy.

"Uh, oh, the police," Carina said.

"Shh, let's all keep quiet guys, don't say a word,"

Dougie opened the door and it was Cheyenne, Elizabeth, Charlie and new girl, Ruby.

"What are you guys doing here?" Dougie said.

"Why do you think we're here, we're here to party!" Cheyenne said.

"But did they invite you here?"

"No,"

"Hmm, sorry, we didn't invite you, rebels,

Cheyenne walked closer to Dougie. "You think just because it's your birthday, you can tear someone down, hmm, who do you think you are?"

"Who do you think you are, a super S-T-A-R?" Elizabeth said. "Who do you think you are, you can kiss my OH MY GOD,"

Cheyenne pushed Dougie away and walked in, "All eyes on you tonight, so let's toast to you, you've got so much to prove, yeah."

Everyone was confused at how did Cheyenne and her crew knew about the party.

Cheyenne walked in to the other members' faces, "And you say, everyone's got a price, that's how you get your way, if not there's hell to pay,"

"What is she doing here?" Carina said.

"How did she know about this in the first place?" Levi said.

"You're gonna huff and puff and blow the whole house down, don't they know you're the king of the castle? The nerve of some people, to think we're all equal."

"911, it's me to the rescue, if I don't speak, who's gonna tell you? Oh yeah, I gotta let you know,"

The Rebels sang, "I'm here to crash your party, you think you're the star of the show, well, I'm about to let you know, I'm here to crash your party, oh, the bigger you are, the harder you fall, you had it all, before I crashed your party,"

Charlie went to Gunner's face, "Who do you think you are, a super S-T-A-R? Who do you think you are, you can kiss my OH MY GOD!"

Cheyenne began to rap, "Sittin' on the top of the world you got the best view, livin' life with a cheat sheet, nobody test you, huh? Your mind is a mess, heart is a chess piece, movin' down the board now, I'm taking down the king of the castle. While I'm on top of this beat I dazzle, how could you ever concieve I'd razzle up, - 'nuff of that beef, now I'm gonna tweak out, now you better peace out, cause I gotta full house, yeah baby, four of a kind, there's no room in my life for an ego your size."

"I'm here to crash your party, you think you're the star of the show, well, I'm about to let you know, I'm here to crash your party, oh, the bigger you are, the harder you fall, you had it all, before I crashed your party,"

"Can you guys please just go, you're not welcome here,"

"Oh, come on, why do we have to miss out on all of the fun?" Charlie said.

"It was fun until you guys came," Daniel said.

"So what are you guys saying, I thought we were family?"

"Family, you've already abandoned your family, over one small issue," Dougie said.

Cheyenne rolled her eyes. "Oh please,"

"Now, if you guys start any trouble here, it's a wrap, this is my house, respect it like it's your own," Dougie said.

In a sarcastic tone, "Yes, sir Douglas, we will," Cheyenne said.

Charlie snickered, Cheyenne tapped him.

Dougie sighed and walked away, "This is another disaster,"


Chuck was still feeling weary and sick. Shannon walked near him.

"Hi, I'm Shannon,"

"Hello, Shannon," Chuck looked as if he was going to throw up.

"You looked really really hot when you were dancing out there,"

"Uh, uhm,"

"Are you OK?"

Chuck's face suddenly blubbered and his face blew up with vomit.

"Ewww! You're disgusting! Ugh!"

Shannon quickly walked away and ran back to Alex.

"Ugh, I can't believe you sent me over there with him,"

"What happened?" Alex said.

"He threw up!" Shannon said.

Alex laughed, "Don't judge a book by it's cover, Shannon, that's what you get,"

"How was I supposed to know, I'll never ask for his number,"

"The dude is drunk, Shannon, what do you expect?" Alex said.

Shannon sighed, "None of these guys at the party are as hot as my little muffin,"

"Shannon, you at that muffin a week ago,"

"Don't mention that, I couldn't help if the muffin was delicious looking, blueberry muffins are good,"

"Shannon, you're crazy,"

Drew went closer to them, "What's up, ladies?"

Alex and Shannon looked up and down, "Ugh, Alex, let's go to the bathroom to fix um, our make up!"

"Right, our make up!"

They both got up and walked upstairs.

"Ugh, he looks like a total skunkbag," Alex said.

"Ditto," Shannon said.

Drew shook his head and he turned around, and saw that Levi looked as if he was daydreaming.

Drew walked up to him and sat next to him, "What are you dreaming about?"

"That guy over there." Levi pointed, smiling.

"Him? Dougie?" Drew chuckled, "Why him,"

"Because he's a really sweet guy, is that too much to ask for in a guy?"

"No, but it's actually too late to ask for it all in him,"

"What do you mean?"

"He's already in love,"

"What?" Levi said.

"Yeah, he's with me, I'm his boyfriend, but don't worry, if we break up, I'm sure I'll put in a good word for you,"

Levi was in shock, shaking his head in awe.


"Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop," The sound of the music blasted the stereo system, Cheyenne and Carina were at the microphones, Carina and Cheyenne looked at each other and nodded, trying to get along.

"Uh, yo, yo, I get it cracking like a bad back, bitch talkin' she the queen when she looking like a lab rat, I'm Angelina, you Jennifer, come on bitch, you see where Brad at," Cheyenne rapped.

"Ice my wrists, and I piss on bitches, you can take my riches, if you take these kisses, you don't like these disses, give my ass some kisses, yeah they know what this is, giving this the business," Cheyenne and Carina both rapped.


Everyone felt awkward.

"Cause I pull up and I'm stuntin' but I ain't a stuntman, yes I'm rockin' Jordans but I ain't a jumpman, bitches play the back cause they know I'm the front man, put me on the dollar cause I'm who they trust in," Cheyenne rapped.

"Ayo SB, what's the hell's good? We ship platinum, them bitches are shipping wood, them nappy headed hoes but my kitchen good, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish a bitch woulddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!" Carina rapped.

"Oh, they have to be my two new besties," Shannon said.

"You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe, you a stupid hoe, yeah, you a, you a stupid hoe!" Carina and Cheyenne rapped.

"This song gives me headaches." Daniel said.

"Stupid stupid,"

"Look bubbles, go back to your habitat, MJ gone and I ain't having that, how you gon' be the stunt double to the little monkey, top of that, I'm in the phantom looking hella chonky,"

"Ice my wrists, and I piss on bitches, you can take my riches, if you take these kisses, you don't like these disses, give my ass some kisses, yeah they know what this is, giving this the business,"

"Cause I pull up in that Porsche but I ain't de Rossi, pretty bitches only can get in my posse, yes, My name is Roman, last name is Zolanski, but no relation to Roman Polanski, hey yo, baby bop, F you and your EP, who's gassin' this hoe? BP? Hmm thinks, 1, 2, 3, to the Carina Maraj blink," Carina rapped.

"Cause these hoes so musty, hoes is so crusty, these bitches is my sons and I don't want custody, hoes so musty, hoes is so crusty, these bitches is my sons and I dont want custody," Cheyenne rapped.

Alex and Shannon were the only ones dancing and Gunner only dancing for Carina. "You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe, you a stupid hoe, yeah, you a, you a stupid hoe!" Carina and Cheyenne rapped.

"If you cute than the crew can roll, if you sexy eat my cooca raw, put ya cape on, you a super hoe, 2012, I'm at the superbowl," Cheyenne rapped.

"Stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so whack, stupid hoe shoulda befriended me, then she coulda prolly came back, stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so whack, stupid hoe shoulda befriended me, then she coulda prolly came back," Carina sang.

Carina and Cheyenne both sang, "You a stupid hoe, you a stupid hoe, you a stu-u-u-upid hoe..."

"And I ain't hit that note, but, F you stupid hoe, yeah, F you stupid hoe," Carina rapped.

"I said F a stupid hoe, yeah, F a stupid hoe," Cheyenne rapped.

"I said F a stupid hoe, F a stupid hoe," Carina rapped.

"I said F a stupid hoe, yeah, F a stupid hoe!"

"I am the female Weezy,"

There was silence, until Alex and Shannon got up and cheered.

"That was horrible," Daniel said.

"Really horrible,"

"Really really horrible," Dougie said.

"And to think that I actually like Nicki Minaj," Chuck sang.

"What did you say?" Cheyenne walked to him,

"I said, I don't like her now,"

Cheyenne grabbed his parts below the belt and Chuck squealed.

"Don't you ever disrespect Nicki Minaj, ever EVER again, understand?"

"Y-y-yes,"

"Now say, I love Nicki Minaj,"

"I-I-I l-l-l-ove N-n-nic--"

Cheyenne squeezed harder and Chuck squealed.

"Say it faster and LOUDER,"

"I LOVE NICKI MINAJ!"

"Now say I'll never disrespect her ever again!"

"Oh come on, Cheyenne, let him go," Daniel said.

"Shut up," Cheyenne said, "Now say it,"

"I'll never disrespect her again," Chuck gulped.

Cheyenne got off of his crotch and Chuck fainted on the floor.

"You didn't really have to do that, Cheyenne,"

"Hmm, but I just did," Cheyenne said. "Mission complete,"


I can't believe Dougie is dating someone without telling me, that's not fair. Now I'll never have a chance at Dougie, where was he all of this time? I guess I have to move on. Levi sighed and looked down.

Dougie walked to him, "Hey, Lev, what's wrong, you're not having a good time?"

"I am, it's just, I don't know," Levi said.

"Levi, you know you can always tell me anything that's on your mind,"

"You are,"

"Wait, what?"

"You're on my mind, Dougie," Levi said.

Dougie began to blush, "Aww, that's really sweet,"

"But I don't think you should be on my mind anymore,"

"How come? What's going on?"

"I don't want to get in the way of you and your boyfriend's relationship," Levi said.

"Wait, boyfriend, you mean Drew?"

"Yeah,"

"He's not my boyfriend, he's my ex,"

"Your ex?"

"Yeah, he's an asshole, don't mind a thing he says, he's trying to come back to me now, but I'm forcing myself not go back to that road, but back on you, to be honest, you've been on my mind too,"

Levi's heart was completely beating fast, he smiled. "Really?"

"You have, and you know, maybe tomorrow, maybe one day, we can hang out, get to know each other a little more," Dougie smiled, "Come on, no worries, Lev, have some fun,"

Levi smiled, Dougie walked away.


Gunner and Carina were sitting next to each other,

"Are you OK, Carina?"

"I am, actually," Carina smiled. "If you're right here, I'm much better,"

Gunner smiled. "You know what happened last time, before we were distracted, I tried to kiss you, yes, I really meant to do that,"

"You have?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking about you a lot, Carina,"

Carina smiled, "Aww,"

Gunner chuckled,

"I feel the same way, Gunner, I just can't get you out of my head,"

Music began to play in her head, a dream sequence fills in her mind, as she and Gunner are alone and she sings for him, the piano plays a soft and slow tune of Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head,"

"La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la. La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la."

"I just can't get you out of my head, boy your loving is all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head, boy it's more than I dare to think about. La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la, La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la."

"I just can't get you out of my head, boy your loving is all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head, boy it's more than I dare to think about."

"Every night, every day, just to be there in your arms. Won't you stay, won't you lay, stay forever and ever and ever and ever."

"La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la. La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la."

"I just can't get you out of my head, boy your loving is all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head, boy it's more than I dare to think about."

"There's a dark secret in me, don't leave me locked in your heart, set me free, feel the need in me, set me free, stay forever and ever and ever and ever."

"La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la. La la la, la la la la la, la la la, la la la la la."

"I just can't get you out of my head, I just can't get you out of my head, I just can't get you out of my head, I just can't get you out of my head...."

The song ended and Carina snapped out of it when Gunner kept calling her name.

"Carina, you OK?"

"Huh, yeah, yeah, I'm OK,"

Gunner went to Carina slowly, and pressed his lips to her lips, at last. Carina closed her eyes and her hands were shaking. Gunner moved back and smiled.

Carina shook and giggled. "Whoa,"

"So adorable," Gunner said.

Carina blushed.


Drew stood outside looking down on the sidewalk. Dougie walked outside with him and sat down.

"Drew, we need to talk,"

"OK, let's talk, then,"

"Drew, why are you making things up? Levi told me what you said to him,"

"What did I say to him?"

"You said that me and you were together which is FAR from my mind right now,"

"What else was I supposed to do to win you back,"

"Drew, it's not gonna happen, you've wanted a girl, you can have her, I don't care, I don't want someone who cheats on me treat me like pure crap, everything you've said and done doesn't mean anything to me at all,"

"Dougie, I'm sorry, OK?" Drew said. "You don't know how much you mean to me, I miss you,"

"You should have thought about that, Drew, it's getting cold out here, I'm going back in." Dougie walked away from him and went back into the house."

Drew sighed and looked down and began to sing. "I can see it in your eyes: you’re angry, regret got shit on what you’re feeling now, mad cause he ain’t like me, oh you mad cause nobody ever did it like me, all the care I would take, all the love that we made, now you’re trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you, it’s a shame you didn’t keep it: Alicia, Katia. I know that you gon hear this: I’m the man, yeah I said it! Bitch I’m the man. Don’t you forget it, the way you walk, that’s me, the way you talk, that’s me, the way you’ve got your hair up: did you forget that’s me? And the voice in your speaker right now: that’s me and the voice in your ear : that’s me, can’t you see that I made it? Yeah I made it, first I made you who you are, then I made it and you’re wasted with your ladies, yeah I’m the reason why you always getting faded,"

"Take a shot for me, ooooh, take a shot for me, ooooh, take a shot for me, a shot for me, a shot for me,"

Drew walked in the house and he was walking as if he was in slow motion, as everyone was having a good time, the spotlight went straight on Dougie. "Ok look: I’m honest, boy I can’t lie: I miss you, you and the music were the only things that I commit to, I never cheated, for the record, back when I was with you, but you believed in everything but me girl, I don’t get you, he says I know you changed, I never see you, cause you’re always busy doing things, I really wish she had a different way of viewing things, I think the city that we’re from just kinda ruined things, it’s such a small place: not much to do but talk and listen, the men are jealous and the women all in competition and now your friends telling you stories that you often misinterpret and taint all your images of your “Mr. Perfect”, I could tell that you been crying all night, stressing all summer, praying for your happiness, hope that you recover, this is one I know you hated when you heard it and it’s worse because you know that I deserve it.."


"Take a shot for me, ooooh, take a shot for me, ooooh, take a shot for me, a shot for me, a shot for me,"

Drew touched his face, Dougie walked away.

Drew looked down.


The next morning, the whole club except for the McKinley Rebels were in the choir room.

"So, Dougie, how was your birthday party?" Mr. Schuester asked.

"It was OK, I guess, I mean, there were some slip-ups, but either way, I'm glad that I got to spend time with my friends, I still want to thank you guys for doing this, it really menas a lot to me,"

"We love you, Dougie," Everyone said.

"Where's Chuck?" Mr. Schuester said.

"Oh, he decided to stay home today, he's on his drinking mode,"

"Drinking mode? He drank alcohol last night?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh, just wait till he comes, I'm gonna have a talk with him,"

Someone walked into the choir room. Excuse me, is this the choir room?

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"Um, sir, my name is Drew Coach, and I would like to join Glee Club,"

Dougie gasped, "You have got to be kidding me right now,"

Levi looked at Dougie, he mouthed a word.

Dougie mouthed "No," back.

THE END.

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